Left Alone In The Dark

Traditionally we think of a small child being scared of the dark. Whether they ask for the door to be left open or the light left on. It is something we are supposed to outgrow. Yet often we just transfer the same fears onto more adult areas of our lives. Basically we find a new way of expressing our fear in a more mature way.

But the fear remains. Some would argue that any fear at all is just a convoluted fear of death manifesting itself in more mundane terms. Teenagers often revert to a fear of being attacked or hurt or someone breaking in as they grasp with the changes of moving from adolescence to adulthood.

What fear have you been carrying around with you all your life? Where is that fear manifesting itself, making one or more areas of your life difficult, unfulfilling or unbearable.

We know that life always carries with it a certain sense of dissatisfaction. In some area of our lives, the grass is always greener. Someone once told me “that nothing takes as good as skinny.” I liked the expression but it didn’t ring true.

What rings true is that nothing takes as good as good health.

Health is something we take for granted when we have it. It is often the one thing we don’t worry about when we worry about everything else. But when we have health problems, the things that are most important in life become very clear.

How does worry affect our health? Does worry create disease in our life, just as much as smoking or drinking or doing drugs? I can’t answer that. But it cannot be good for us. Worrying, doing bad things tour body, polluting our mind with trashy thoughts and being slaves to other peoples fears and emotions must all add up at some point. Yet be can do everything right and still suffer. Is our health karmic. I believe our life span is.

The questions I ask today, have no definite answers so we all have to just consider what works for us. I know that I grapple with the unwholesome thought and actions everyday. Just being aware of some of them is an effort because I have been so conditioned to just “keep on keeping on” like the Ever Ready Bunny( battery advertisement if you don’t understand the connotation.)

I don’t know how I lost my way, whether through lifetimes of mistakes or sheer ignorance. But today, I try and be aware of everything I see and feel. I try and live life in every moment. It’s hard and not always possible but it has become a way to try and guide my ship. Stay on my course and not be blown off course by the people and situations around me. I try and choose people who will support me in finding my own direction.

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