Often we avoid conflict with another soul because that is the way we are wired, but there comes a point when we need to stop and speak our mind. This might be because our ‘niceness’ has been mistaken for weakness and the envelope just keeps on getting pushed further and further. We hold back because of an innate understanding that the other person will not accept feedback and will attempt to debase our feelings. How do we avoid this trap?
Working out exactly what you want or need to say to another person is difficult. Especially when it can be distorted and confused by the other person’s input. The other person will throw you off by constantly interrupting because they have their own ( unknown to you) hidden agenda.
Half the time you walk away feeling more confused than when you started.
Also, you have to realize that even if you do manage to get it out, the other person has to be receptive to what you say and your opinion on the subject in question.
Bottom line: If they don’t want to hear it, they won’t!
And nothing you can say or do can change that. Or can it?
If the other person feels that you are trying to get something out of them; change them or their behavior in some way, they will fight you. Full stop.
Sometimes, if you can be talk about how you feel without blame, or without them pretending you are blaming them, and taking full responsibility for yourself, you can score a goal for your team YOU.
Say what you need to say to give yourself peace and don’t get stuck on the outcome for the other person. You can only control your reaction, no one else’s so say what you need to say.
Basically you sort through all the crap that has been thrown at you and come up with an answer that you can live with, despite any consequences.
This gives you so much personal power. Often we enter into situations, not really sure of what we want or feel and come out losers. We feel unsatisfied or discontent with the outcome.
Work with what you have.
To get to that place, you have to make room for it in your heart, mind and soul. You have to let go of all the mind trash and accept people for who they are and be honest and realistic about your expectations of others. At the end of the day a square peg doesn’t fit into a round hole and if you force it, you will not be a happy camper.
Take a breath and start being honest with yourself instead of worrying about what you don’t want from life. Be open to what life puts in front of you and make decisions in real time, not the “in your head time” where you think about possibilities that may or may not happen. Don’t hold out for an unrealistic possibility that you are convinced will someday just fabricate itself and solve all your problems.
Take control by letting go. Let it be.
Help Your Self!
I could not agree more – this reminds me of conversations in Paris, many, many years ago. Well said! Dagny
Paris in those days:) you taught me so much. I hope you know that.